The New Weed Order

by Jacob Barnes

Imagine a world where pot was entirely legal and anyone and everyone could smoke in peace. What changes would happen if we were to enter this alternate and devoutly-to-be-wished reality? What new adventures, attitudes, ideas and beliefs would come into play in a society where peace, love and understanding were the buzz words of the day, as opposed to aggression, greed and hate? If there’s one thing weed smokers like to do, it is to offer conjecture, and forthwith is an explanation of the “Weed-Venture” we would find ourselves on if we woke up tomorrow, like George Bailey in “It’s A Wonderful Life” to find that all 420 laws had never been written in the first place.

For starters, let’s think about how much crime would cease to exist. The criminal marijuana industry is a multi-billion dollar enterprise, enforced through acts of violence at times so shocking it is amazing to conceive of the fact that these murders, rapes and more are being done in the service of distributing ganja. In our new weed-ality, these criminals have given up the green trade and focused on the white powders. It is not our place to judge those who use heroin or cocaine, but it is our duty to inform them that they are playing with fire, as these substances, in contrast to marijuana, are unlikely to produce no harmful side effects.

In the New Weed Order, these substances have been legalized but are dispensed with a decisive system of checks and balances such that the more harmful outcomes, such as heart disease, liver failure, outright addiction and death by overdose become a thing of the past.

But enough about death – let’s talk about sex, baby, let’s talk about you and me. So much of our conventional attitudes toward sex are caused by the repressive images and teachings we encounter in our childhood, at school, at home, and at houses of worship. Minds get locked into patterns, into plans that demand that WE MUST BE NORMAL (not NORML, just to be sure).

It’s A Green World After All

With marijuana free to unlock the minds of parent, preacher and principal alike, the status quo would inevitably be upended and the strict Puritan values that have turned us into a nation of basement sinners and hypocrites would be thrown out the window in favor of free love. Why do you think so many people have had sex in the mud at rock festivals? Their inhibitions were loosened by the mind opening properties of cannabis.

With pot in our imagined reality now available to all, we’d be talking about the mother of all love-ins, sexual liaisons unfettered by outmoded notions of appropriateness blossoming on every street corner, cats and dogs living together, a bacchanal that would do Hieronymous Bosch proud.

No longer would we walk the streets as if each of us bore an invisible scarlet “A” denoting that the pleasures of the flesh are at odds with the moral necessities of existence. Freeing our minds and following with our asses (and our other naughty bits), the whole system of sexual mores that has served to repress us for generations would melt away in a haze of pot vapor that would finally let us breathe freely as sexual beings.

The only beings more painfully repressive than the enforcers of sexual codes are the warmongers, who keep us in a sustained state of conflict, fighting needless battles and sacrificing needless lives. Their power-mad dreams would be abated by the wafting clouds of pot smoke that would sail through the halls of every seat of power from the White House to the Kremlin. Can you imagine a War on Terror in a world without fear, self-liberated through the antidote of MaryJane inspired peace, love, harmony and understanding.

Our educational system would undergo an overhaul of mammoth proportions, as students would no longer be subjected to the “standard curriculum” designed to re-enforce the notion that we are a free people, molded in the image of our founding Fathers, when in fact we live one step shy of being in a police state. Let that MaryJane cloud pour into our school faculty meetings and watch a radically re-organized and infinitely more positive approach to instructing the youth of America (and the world).

These “pipe” dreams need not be dismissed as idle fantasizing. The first step toward a world of united sentient beings celebrating the present moment with the facilitator of marijuana as a means to see the beauty of things can begin with stepping up to the ballot box and casting a vote for legalization.

For now, we remain in the Matrix, a reality pulled over us to blind us from the dark truth that the government (or at least the more sinister factions therein) would prefer to keep its hands tightly on the reins of power, outlawing the upright while celebrating the vicious. May the coming good times arrive right quick. May we sing from the hill tops a freedom song of mental liberation and frolic in the valley of unabashed freedom, not just freedom to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, but also to the parallel goal of the pursuit of one-mind individualized society in which each and every member can be exactly who he or she wants to be thanks to the green. This can’t come a moment too soon.

Jacob Barnes writes for The Art of Mary Jane Magazine, the magazine dedicated to cannabis culture and marijuana culture.


The Duke Abides

By principle I don’t watch remakes of films, particularly ones that were done well in the first place. Lately I’m hearing news that filmmakers want to redo a couple of 4:20 matinee classics like Rocky Horror and Yellow Submarine, and I have to ask…why? Some might argue that the original show a bit of age, but I don’t believe it’s necessarily true of every older film. You look back on iconic roles and stories, and you have to wonder if CGI and technological bling can make the story any better. It may make them louder and flashier, but at the end of the day I can’t see anybody else playing Rocky Balboa by Sly, or anybody other than Harrison Ford steering the Falcon.

I’ll admit, though, this trailer for the Coen Brothers’ True Grit has me thisclose to changing my tune. The original, of course, was John Wayne’s biggest role, won him all the awards. The updated version features a number of my favorite actors. Check out the trailer:

Blows you away, doesn’t it? The Duke abides. We’ll have to wait for Christmas to see how Jeff Bridges stacks up against Wayne. Until then, we’ll always have the Dude:

Bobbie Carson writes about cannabis culture and Mary Jane girls.

Should Ads for Medicinal Marijuana Air on TV?

KGTV in San Diego recently aired a news byte on television ads for medicinal marijuana dispensaries that have aired in California. I’d embed the accompanying video, but the site doesn’t allow, so you can click the link to see in part one of the ads that aired. I personally didn’t find anything offensive about it – it looked tastefully done and included testimonials from people I presume are card holders using cannabis to treat their respective ailments. Of course, there are opponents to the ads, claiming pro-marijuana advocates are using television to entice youth into using.

When you think about it, though, who isn’t using television to entice people? It’s hardly a new phenomenon – fast food restaurants, beer companies, and mobile phone providers produce all manner of commercials for their products, selling with sex and appealing to the masses that you aren’t cool unless you’re drinking this or wearing that. By this logic, it’s implied that the dispensaries behind these TV ads are trying to make marijuana more attractive.

Actually, I would argue the ads are there to make people aware of the medicinal alternative – whether or not you choose to take advantage is up to you. I’d need to see the ad in whole, but even I know that unlike going into McDonald’s, one cannot just walk into a dispensary and start pointing at stuff on the menu. You need the card to shop. If people should be upset about something, I read on Twitter this morning that the Hardee’s Monster Biscuit has 770 calories and a day’s worth of saturated fat and sodium. Hardee’s, of course, can air commercials all they want – where’s the outrage for their promoting a heart attack on a biscuit?

What do you think? Should ads for dispensaries air on TV? Do you think we’ll see more in Cali if Prop 19 passes?

The Ladies Love Mary Jane, Too

In Vegas a few years ago I met up with friends in a hotel suite for a pre-concert party, and as expected somebody brought along an “appetizer” of sorts – the finest from Long Beach, so he’d bragged. Partakers gathered in the very large bathroom which, by the time I arrived, resembled something of a sauna Tommy Chong might have adapted for his own use.

A lady friend accompanied me to see all the fuss, and while I was there I toked. “Oh!” she exclaimed, genuinely surprised. “You smoke.”

“Yeah,” I told her. I didn’t see it as a big deal. Women do lots of things – we drink if we choose, we smoke cigarettes, and we eat rich food. Personally, I don’t do the first two, preferring cannabis as a better alternative. To be sure, though, I won’t turn down a lobster or a chocolate cake!

All of the above are vices that don’t seem pegged for a specific gender, but thinking back to how my friend reacted to seeing me accepting the community blunt got me thinking about the mindset of cannabis. Is it really a “man’s thing”? Looking through cannabis culture history, one might think that when you consider the associated humor in Cheech and Chong’s act, and movies like Half Baked and Harold and Kumar which are typically geared toward a younger male audience. It doesn’t mean, of course, that women in general don’t like these things. I’ll take The X-Men over Sex in the City seven times out of ten myself. Different strokes.

Searching the Internet, I found that marijuana as a male thing is not necessarily true. There are organizations like Moms For Marijuana that support legalization (though not all involved may necessarily smoke), and if you look up celebrity tokers you’ll find among them people like Jennifer Aniston, Cameron Diaz, and Kristen Stewart. I’ve known a number of women who smoke or have at one point in their lives. To them it always seemed natural, as natural as the God-given herb, anyway.

From personal experience, too, I can say some men find a Mary Jane girl sexy. During a good buzz I tend to act mellow and enjoy myself, as opposed to some drunk college co-ed who is more likely to thrash around, make an ass of herself, and throw up in somebody’s closet. Smoke effects people differently, too, however, so bear in mind a girl may be toasted but still aware of what is going on around her.

Just as I don’t think it’s fair to stereotype the stoner, the same rule should apply to female smokers. We enjoy all styles of music and movies, some of us may be vegetarian, while others like a nice BLT for lunch. Some of us are into our comfy blue jeans and t-shirt, while others bling up for a night out.

If there’s a lady in your life who partakes by her choice, there’s no reason to treat her differently. She has found her way to relax and stimulate her senses, and maybe you’ll learn something from her. 😉

Bobbie Carson writes about marijuana culture and Mary Jane girls.


There’s an App for…Wait, What? Top Apps for Stoners

I would be personally lost without my iTouch. Honestly, I don’t know what my life was like before it (well, that’s not true – I seem to recall spending more time watching TV back then). What I love about my iTouch is that I don’t feel compelled to stay home lest I miss out on an important e-mail or web update. I can have coffee or enjoy a day in the city and check things periodically.

Any type of device like this – the iPhone, BlackBerry, whatever’s your poison – is good to have around. You’ll find there are a few applications the stoner on the go simply needs to make life easier. Here are a few suggestions if you haven’t downloaded them yet.

Cannabis for iTunes – Indispensable if you are set up for medicinal marijuana. The Cannabis App (cost $2.99 in iTunes) is your directly to legal dispensaries around the US, and information on marijuana legalization and reform issues. Please note this app isn’t designed to help you track down a dealer, otherwise every vice cop would have this one!

Herb Converter – For the math impaired, this cheap app (99 cents on iTunes) helps you figure out proper conversion of ounces to grams and pounds to ounces. It’s also handy for use in measuring tea and other herbal remedies.

Book of Illusions – If you’re riding a good buzz and want to blow your mind, have this app on hand and see how well you do discerning the many optical illusion images. You know the pictures, like the one that looks like it could be a woman’s face or the shadow of a cartoon saxophone player. Who knows what else you’ll find?

iRunes – Some friends ask why I smoke. Well, why do people eat chocolate, or go for a run? It’s a pleasure, and I find toking a calming, meditative experience. With this digital app, I can take it to the next level by having my runes read whenever I wish. Of course, this app strictly notes it’s for entertainment purposes only, so I don’t make life-bending decisions based on what I see. Nonetheless, it’s good to have if you’re looking to supplement your mellow.

Yelp – Eventually, you’re gonna get the munchies, so what better app to download than one that recommends the best places to get your food fix. I like Yelp because the user reviews seem honest, and it’s easy to search for the food you crave, where you need it. Couple this with a good GPS app and satisfy your appetite.

Bobbie Carson writes about cannabis culture and stoner culture.